Write Up My Alley


 

My Sunday morning started off with my coffee splashing out of the cup onto the front seat of my car.  Of course there were no stray napkins around to soak up the mess before it stained the upholstery, my pants leg and part of the sleeve on my coat.

Then there were the fifty-mile an hour winds that helped push me across the parking lot of church.  The weather man predicted another snow filled day in Missouri with the high of 32.  Guess I shouldn’t complain since it was 72 degrees yesterday.  Seems Mother Nature refuses to allow us to enjoy spring type weather for more than 24 hours.

The lunch plans I had looked forward to all week were cancelled because of the snow prediction.  All minor disappointments in the big scheme of things, but I could feel myself slipping like a Slinky down a long staircase.  It’s been a hard winter with too many similar days.

I’m not a dumpster diver, but I do get down in the dumps sometimes and wander around aimlessly looking for direction.  Sometimes it’s hard to find my way back to the main road.  I began considering the familiar options.

Hubby refused to play Sorry, Chinese Checkers or Dominoes with me anymore.  He headed to the bedroom to watch some sports.  I roamed through the kitchen to look for some comfort food.

Chocolate’s my first crutch in desperate times.  There are three problems with that choice: weight gain (which I certainly don’t need); there isn’t a speck of the dark sweet treat in the house; it’s still Lent and I gave it up for forty days, that’s why there’s none in the house!

Wine is my second choice.  Too bad my daughter and I consumed it all last night as we played cards and celebrated her birthday.  Besides, drinking wine before noon just isn’t a good idea if you want to get anything accomplished the rest of the day.

As I walked through the dining room (my official writing space), my laptop glared at me.  No, really, it did.  If I knew how to program it, my screensaver would say STOP PROCRASTINATING!  Still, I wasn’t ready to commit to hours glued to the keyboard without some assistance.  I wandered through the house looking for another distraction.

Tucked in the nightstand drawer I locate the MP3 player my daughter’s boyfriend loaded for me some years ago.  (Please, you didn’t think I did it myself did you?)  I turned it on and it immediately shuts itself off.  So I begin searching for a new battery and find one in the freezer (someone told me it makes them last longer).  I spent the next five minutes warming it up before I insert it into the small music player.

I gathered all the papers for a new project I’m supposed to be working on and sat down by the computer, but my hands were cold from messing with the AA, so I headed back to the bedroom and dug out a sweater that was packed away in hopes that it wouldn’t be needed again. 

Finally, I forced myself to begin pecking away on the keyboard, but instead of working on the new project, I started writing this post.  The good news is that I was no longer headed down the dark depressing road; I was playing in the alley.  Maybe I’ll find my way back before the day is done.

What do you do when grey skies hover overhead?  What are the little distractions that help you procrastinate?

Facing the truth


It’s mid January and the first time in nearly 50 days that I’ve tried to compose a post for my blog. My yellow pads of paper are blank, much like the white space in my word documents. The craziness of the holidays, winter blues, lack of inspiration – any of those excuses could be supported using a little creative writing. Yet, my writer’s block is something much more than procrastination; something I have not been able to clarify in my mind or on paper until today.

A good friend and fellow blogger, Amanda Bretz shared something on her blog, http://authoramandabretz.wordpress.com/2013, that was beautifully written, but took great strength and courage to publish. She is an accomplished writer who is forging her name in the publishing world with her third book and many other accomplishments. Without realizing it, her inspiring words helped me put my problem into perspective.

So what could be so terrible that would freeze my pen and keyboard too? A four letter word sums it up. FEAR.

There is fear of failure; fear of no one caring if I ever posted another thought; fear that my writing does not deserve to be read; fear that if light touches the darkness of my heart, the walls will crumble and expose the stifled hopes and dreams buried so deep that they no longer have have form.

There it is. Now, what do I do about it? Like eating an elephant – it will require one bite at a time. Surely it is possible to find a balance where honesty does not cause pain for others yet allows for fulfillment of needs.

Have you found a way write the truth? Any suggestions would be appreciated.